Mrs. Clementine Buchwald sat in her usual spot, 2nd pew from the back, right side of the church, left side of the pew.
She liked this seat best as it was directly below a speaker which allowed her to hear the funeral eulogies perfectly.
She came to Our Lady Of Fatima Roman Catholic church whenever there was a funeral mass.
She loved to listen to the funeral eulogies.
She collected the funeral cards and kept them in binders which she called her Funeral Scrapbook.
There were so many people in her parish she had seen for decades, but knew nothing about.
Everyday she would reread all of her cards and replay the deceaseds' eulogies in her mind. She called this watching re-runs.
The funeral mass eulogies were a version of “This Is Your Life” and she lived for them.
Well, unless Monsignor Rudden was presiding. He was Mrs. Clementine's least favorite. He always seemed like he was in a hurry and offered no insight into the deceaseds' lives.
He would only mention the full name of the deceased and read Psalm 23 which we have all heard 100s of times.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
One day she said to him: “Monsignor, you have a great responsibility when eulogizing the dead. This is your moment to celebrate very long and full lives that have ended. The surviving family members and parishioners look to you to help get them past this stage of their grief."
She mentioned this to him a few times, but he always scoffed and walked away.
Her real reason had nothing to do with the families. She loved when the deceased’s lives ran like a 3-D movie in her mind as the priest recounted them and after during re-runs.
Monsignor Rudden never provided a first run, let alone any information for a re-run.
Monday
Father Carotenuto Presiding.
The Deceased: William Troy McGloster, Born May 2, 1920, Died April 29, 2024
Father Carotenuto: “Brother Bill, ah Brother Bill! Almost made it to 104 years old! I lost that bet!”
Clementine was smiling ear to ear! She held two of Mr. McGloster’s funeral cards in her hand. She always took two in case one was lost.
She loved when Father C gave the eulogy.
Only the highlights of the eulogy are transcribed below. Father C usually eulogized for at least 15 minutes, interspersing readings from scripture throughout.
Father Carotenuto: “Bill, a child of the great depression, was born in Pryor, Oklahoma. He dropped out of school after 8th grade to work on the family farm.
He married Gwendolyn, just before dubble-ya dubble-ya 2 broke out.
Uncle Sam came calling. He enlisted in the air force and became a gunner on a B29. He flew hundreds of dangerous missions during his 4 years fighting for our freedom.
He came home and moved his family to our parish in 1947 as he had the promise of a maintenance job at the international airport.
He lost his Gwendolyn 30 years ago. He loved her so. He visited her grave everyday until he needed a wheelchair.
Then he only went every other day!”
This elicited some much needed laughter.
“Bill was a great volunteer, especially for other veterans. He gave his time to The Wounded Warriors Project for decades.
All six of their children, 33 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren are all here celebrating Bill’s life. I am proud to say that all of them were baptized on this very altar.
So today we celebrate a perfect example of how a son of God should live a life. Please join us in the Lord’s Prayer. Our Father, who art in heaven…..”
Clementine’s eyes were closed. The picture Father C was painting of Bill’s life was playing in vivid 3-D in her mind.
She was turning over the McGloster family’s soil in springtime,
harvesting corn in the early fall,
standing at the altar taking vows with Gwendolyn,
flying bombing runs over Germany,
baptizing his children right on this very altar,
and volunteering at VA hospitals.
Tuesday
No funeral mass.
Wednesday
Monsignor Rudden Presiding.
The Deceased: Elizabeth Mary Driscoll August 23, 1960, Died May 1, 2024
Clementine saw Monsignor Rudden approach the lectern.
Her heart sank.
She held two of Elizabeth’s funeral cards in her hand. She always took two in case one was lost.
Monsignor Rudden: “Sister Elizabeth Driscoll was taken much too soon. She was a great daughter and humble servant of our Lord in heaven.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”
Clementine let out a very audible: “UGH!” and got up and left.
She wanted to scream: "B O R I N G !" but she restrained herself.
Thursday
Father Donnelly Presiding.
The Deceased: Patrick James Quinn, Born December 25, 1931, Died May 2, 2024
Father Donnelly: “Good morning all present! We are here today to celebrate the life of a true son of God. Patrick James Quinn, a Christmas baby!
Up to the end, his mind and sense of humor were as sharp as a tack. I was with him at home when he passed and he was laughing and telling his favorite stories until he passed oh so quietly and peacefully.
His most favorite story to tell was how he stowed away on a mercantile ship when he was just 14. We all have heard it many times."
Clementine was smiling ear to ear! She held Mr. Quinn’s funeral cards in her hand. Yes, cards, she always took two in case one was lost.
She loved when Father D gave the eulogy. He was sometimes better than Father C.
Only the highlights of the eulogy are transcribed below. Father D usually eulogized for at least 20 minutes, interspersing readings from scripture throughout.
Father Donnelly: “You could hear Patrick’s Irish brogue from a mile away and it was always welcome. When he landed in Bayonne NJ he hitchhiked to his aunt and uncle’s house right here in Jackson Heights.
He knocked on their door at 3am and said:
“I'm yooehr nephew Patreck, gaht anythin to eat?”
They fed him and he slept for two days straight.
At 18 he married another illegal immigrant from County Cork, Ireland, Mary O’Phalen.
Like many Irishmen before him, Patrick worked with his hands his entire life. He joined the Steamfitters Local Union 638 at age 16 and worked there 50 years until he and Mary retired to Florida.
It was his wish to have his funeral mass here, where he was married and all of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren were baptized.
Patrick eventually became president of the union and fought for the rights of his fellow workers die-hardly.
We all know his wife, Mary, seated here. She still is our most enthusiastic and energetic volunteer, working with our housebound elderly parishioners. She is truly doing God’s work daily.”
Clementine was almost floating above her pew. Father Donnelly’s words were enveloping her. The most perfect 3-D vision of Patrick’s and Mary’s lives playing in her head.
She knew this would become one of her favorite re-runs.
She was planning her escape from Ireland,
feeling the fear of being caught stowing away on a mercantile vessel,
feeling Patrick’s exhaustion and hunger as he knocked on his aunt and uncle’s door at 3am,
feeding elderly housebound neighbors,
and the rest of Patrick and Mary’s lives played out clearly and in vivid 3-D in Clementine’s mind.
Father Donnelly: “So today we celebrate a perfect example of how a son of God should live a life. Please join us in the Lord’s Prayer. Our Father, who art in heaven…..”
Clementine went home beaming. She added Patrick’s funeral cards to her album.
She spent the rest of the day reliving Patrick’s life.
Friday
No funeral mass.
Saturday
Monsignor Rudden Presiding.
The Deceased: Clementine Rita Buchwald. Born October 21, 1939, Died May 4, 2024
Monsignor Rudden: “Sister Clementine Rita Buchwald was taken much too soon. She was a great daughter and humble servant of our Lord in heaven.
She didn’t care much for my eulogies.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”
In heaven, Clementine let out a very audible: “UGH! Just my luck!” and went back to her re-runs.
