Definitions:
Inverted Gender Analysis - This is one story, told two different ways. The only difference between them is the gender role dynamics are reversed.
This is meant to cause a conversation on how people’s opinions on situations can be drastically different due to the gender dynamics involved.
When you have read both:
- Did you feel the same or different about the characters and themes?
- Did one or both seem unrealistic?
- If so, why?
- Did you find yourself siding with the same gender in both situations?
Our story opens somewhere in suburban America with a husband and wife, both 45 years of age and after 25 years of marriage, sitting at their kitchen table.
It seems that the wife has caught the husband cheating and they're having a chat about it.
Wife: “How could you do this to me? To our family?”
Husband: “How could I do this to you? Since we met, you knew I was seeing multiple women as my sexual needs were hard for one woman to satisfy. You promised me that if I married you, I would never have to worry about that and you would always lovingly be there for me that way.
You know I have a voracious sexual appetite. Yes, men and women are different, but that doesn’t change what I need to be happy as a man and husband. I was honest with you about this from the start.
We had a good five years but for the last 20 your commitment to me has been completely forgotten. I've been telling you that your constant rejection of my romantic and sexual advances devastates me. I have given you every chance and offered to do anything you need to make you want to make love to me.
I waited 18 years and lived in a private hell because of our vows. But then I realized that you didn’t care about your vows and promises you made to me so I did what you have done, made myself happy. The women I have found truly want me in every way, and they tell me I satisfy them more than any other man they have been with.
For 20 years, very begrudgingly and after sometimes hours of me begging, you will be physical with me in some way. It is all very mechanical and you act as if you are doing me a favor. I can see the relief on your face when I climax. Most times you don’t let me touch you. Don’t you realize I want to make love to you, yes only to you. Most of my satisfaction from love making comes from giving you the ultimate pleasure. So even when we are physical, I am left feeling a complete failure because you have felt nothing. Can’t you try to understand my pain that my wife does not want me to bring her physical pleasure? So I will turn this around and ask you the same question.
How could you have done this to me for over 20 years? How could you allow your husband, who you supposedly love, to go so neglected and romantically abused for so long? How could you not endorse my getting my most vital needs met as a man when you are incapable and unwilling to give them to me? I have never cheated on you. On days where you will make love to me, I have never been with another woman. That averages 2 days or less per week. So you are giving me 2/7 of the wife I deserve and need and that you vowed to provide. I have every right to find the other 5/7. I have worked too hard for you and this family to go without the basics I need to be happy.”
Wife: “You know my sexual needs are much lower than yours.”
Husband: “That is not what I asked you. I have never tried to push myself on you or force you into love making. I respect your lack of desire for me. Other men would have divorced you long ago. But I love you and our family with all of my heart, but that does not mean I need to live a life of misery, emptiness and feeling terrible about myself everyday. Do you know how hard it is to even sit here and talk to you knowing how much you don’t want me? I have lived for you since we met. Every waking moment is spent thinking of new ways I can take care of you. You always get 7/7 from me, sometimes, 8/7.”
That made both of them laugh a little, which he knew this situation needed.
Husband: “So, to be happy, I need the amount of romantic physical and emotional connections that I find outside our home. You do not provide enough and you have known this for a long time. Do you want me to simply stop and live a miserable life? What do you suggest? Don’t you want me to be happy? You can’t expect me to live in misery the rest of my life."
Wife: “Cheating is wrong. This is what till death do us part means.”
Husband: “Ok, so in order to stay married and keep our family together, you want me to stop seeing other women. So, you want me to accept 2/7 of what I need from our marriage and you as my wife. So, you will agree then that you can only expect 2/7 from me as your husband. You have to agree it is not fair for me to keep giving 7/7 when you will only give me 2/7. If I was only giving you 2/7 for 20 years you would have divorced me years ago.”
Wife: “What do you mean?”
Husband: “My main husband's role is providing the majority of the financial support for you and the family. So, let’s imagine 20 years ago, when you all but stopped making love to me, I only gave 2/7 of my pay into supporting you, and took the other 5/7 and spent it on myself. That is what I should have done.
So from now on I will be coming down to your 2/7 wife level and will be the 2/7 husband. I will only be contributing 2/7 of my net pay towards your upkeep. This will mean selling the house, trading in the Mercedes truck you drive for a Toyota Corolla, getting rid of the horses and many other unnecessary wife pampering expenditures."
He left the room for a moment and came back with a pencil and a piece of paper and started writing.
When done,he gave the pad to his wife.
Husband: “This will make it fair for me. You have to agree that I shouldn’t have to give you 7/7 any longer. If I have to understand and live with your inability to give me what I need from a wife, you have to accept less from me as your husband."
Wife: “I want a divorce.”
Husband: “Of course you do. To quote you a few minutes ago 'This is what till death do us part means'. I guess that only applies to me! Hypocrite!
The moment where you need to sacrifice something to keep our marriage intact, you cut and run, although you were expecting me to sacrifice something so vital to me just a few moments ago. The women I am dating are so right about you. Sad to see you prove it so clearly.”
With the airtight prenuptial agreement she had signed decades ago, she will now be getting 0/7.
What a dysfunctional narcissistic sex-crazed husband. First of all horses are a necessity. Second the guy twice said sex is his MOST vital function. Third, he demands sex every day from his wlfe and if he doesn’t get it, he solicits it from any female. His claim that he lives to satisfy her is fake— having never asked her what she wants. It is only about him. Only about sex. He wants to financially penalize her because he is not getting it every day. No matter if she sacrificed her career to raise the best kids on the planet, or if she has volunteered in charities etc. She is nothing but a blow-up toy to him. And when the toy doesn’t work every day, he is ‘miserable.’ She wants a divorce knowing she won’t get a dime. And he, like any self-absorbed addict who chooses the drug over relationships, throws away the mother of his children.
Good story about a dysfunctional marriage of two people who both could have benefited from therapy and pre-cana prior to tying the knot.