Tina, Timmy's Wife: “You know how stupid and white trash I felt? Everyone else's car was stolen except mine!”
Tina Jenkins was yelling at her husband, Timmy, just after returning from the yoga studio. She was always complaining that her husband was cheap and now the broader community knew just how cheap he was.
She was constantly showing him pictures of all the household items the neighbors’ husbands were allowing their wives to buy.
But today was the last straw.
You see, at the yoga studio that she attends every day at 10:00 a.m. while he's working to support the family, all of the yoga members and participants leave their keys on a hook rack right by the front door.
It seems that a group of young PHD students simply walked in the front door while a yoga session was going on behind closed doors.
They took all the keys off the rack and simply pushed the unlock button on each fob until they saw which car in the parking lot that key fob belonged to.
They took all except Tina’s car which was a 6-year-old mid-level American 4-door sedan. The other women members at the yoga studio had at least Mercedes and BMWs, and they were all late models.
The thieves made off with all of them but left her car in its parking space with its key fob on the top of the roof.
There was a hastily written note beneath her key.
As the women came out to the parking lot to view the empty spaces, they quickly realized what happened.
Tina’s embarrassment that her car sat there, unstolen, was devastating.
The other women were not upset. They were so proud that their husbands made enough money and cared enough about them to get them cars that were worthy of the car thieves' interest.
Their good husbands would simply buy them new ones by the end of the week.
The other wives just called an UBER to take them to their hair and nail and other pampering appointments the rest of the day.
They all pitied Tina for the poor choice in a husband she had made.
By the next day, her nickname was NO THANKS.
Tina, with tears streaming down her cheeks, hung her head low and got in her car and left the parking lot. She would never be able to show her face, or her car, there ever again.
Now she sits in her kitchen screaming at her cheap husband.
Standard entitled and narcissistic dribble.
“If you loved me, you would have bought me an appropriate car!”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“If you don’t fix this, I am leaving you!”
Blah blah blah
She continued yelling “It is embarrassing enough driving in that car everyday. And now to have your cheapness and your lack of manhood on display this morning just shows me what a failure you are as a husband and a man.”
Timmy spoke. “I've been supporting you lovingly and with all sincerity for the past 25 years. You haven't had to earn a penny while you raised our children and I love that I was able to do that for you.
Everything you have is paid for by my hard work. Your clothes, your car, college tuition, your stupid and worthless interior design business that runs a loss every year which comes out of my pocket, and your yoga studio monthly fees.
You promised when our youngest went to high school that you would start working again outside the house.
Because you broke your promise, I now can’t retire until I turn 70, when my plan was 65.
Think about how cruel and evil it is that you did not mind me working five more years beyond my planned retirement date.
You didn’t because none of our neighbor’s wives have to work and you would be embarrassed to go to work again.
That was 8 years ago.
I'm not going to work any longer just so you can have a car that a car thief would love to steal.
And I agree we are getting divorced.
I told you when I bought you that car that if we bought a more expensive one for either of us that would put off my retirement which is already set to be 70 years old, another 5 years later than I originally planned.”
Just then there was a knock at the door.
Tina opened it.
The gentleman asked: “Tina Jenkins?”
Tina: “Yes, that’s me.”
Gentleman at the door, handing her an envelope: “You have been served.”
Tina brought the envelope to the kitchen table and opened it and found divorce papers.
Timmy said: “I was laid off over a year ago and never told you. The odds of me getting a good job at my age are slim. I have been sincerely looking for work and by some miracle recently got a good offer. But now since your hysteria and abuse this morning, retirement is my plan. I am done giving so much to someone who gives me nothing.
Ten years ago you promised that you would lose the 100 pounds you gained since we married. I used to be able to tell where your breasts ended and your stomach began. Now you are one continuous gelatinous roll of fatty flesh. I deserve much better than that for how hard I have worked for you.
You don't give me enough as a wife to justify your demands of me as your husband."
He grabbed his keys and left in his 20 year old mid-level American 4-door sedan.
He never spoke to her again.
Within two years Tina was homeless and had gained another 50 pounds.
