Timothy Jenkins, the owner of Acme Advertising, Inc. is walking up to the witness box in a federal district court.
He is being sued by five of his female employees for employment discrimination as they have been passed up for promotions, some of them for as long as 8 years.
Timmy takes the stand and is sworn in.
The plaintiff’s attorney begins her questioning.
“Mr. Jenkins, it is odd that you agreed to testify.”
Timmy: “There is so much at stake, especially for your clients. I want to continue to do all I can to help them maintain stable lives.
You are going to ask, so I will tell you flat out. All of these women are stellar employees who I purposefully passed up for promotion and have never given a raise to. It hurt my profitability beyond words, so from a financial perspective, I am in a much worse position. If I had promoted them, my bottom line would be even bigger.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “But all the people you did promote were also women. Help me make sense of that.”
Timmy: “Yes, they were all women.
Those I promoted were all single. Your clients are all married.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “Is it your testimony that you purposely and knowingly discriminated against married women?”
Timmy: “Yes.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “So you contradict yourself. You did feel these married women were not qualified? Why else would you pass them up?”
Timmy: “Be careful counselor. That question, if I answered dishonestly, could actually help my case. A defense here could be that these married women were not qualified for promotion. That is a subjective measure so it would be difficult to convict me if I went down that road. But that would disrespect their accomplishments and excellence.
Quite the contrary. Again, the married plaintiffs were all much more qualified than the single women who were promoted. As I just testified, I significantly hurt my bottom line by holding them back.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “This seems to be a lose-lose for everyone. Why would you do it?”
Timmy: “Isn’t it obvious? To preserve their families and marriages of course.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “I’m not following. Please explain.”
Timmy: “I am very proud to say that all of the plaintiffs are still happily married. That was my goal.”
Plaintiffs’ Attorney: “What do their marriages have to do with you?”
Timmy: “Families come before my profits.
I am shocked no one is praising me for what I have done. If I promoted these women, that would have made them higher earners than their husbands.
Based on government statistics, once a wife outearns her husband, 90% of them or 4 of the 5 plaintiffs would have filed for divorce and wrecked their homes. I prevented that devastation. I should be thanked.
Technically I should be compensated for this great deed I have done.
Don’t you think?
Don’t you agree keeping their families intact was the greater good and that good dwarfs any benefits of these promotions and higher earnings?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don’t you agree that saving their children from having a broken home is admirable and so much more important than this trivial lawsuit?
If so, then find me innocent and assess no damages.
The benefits received by these women and their families outweighs any financial loss from a lack of promotion.
And we all know how negatively divorce impacts child development.
Counselor. You are a great example of this phenomenon. Within 3 years of you outearning your husband you divorced him and did all you could to keep his kids from him. I have reviewed your entire divorce file. All of your children are in therapy due to the trauma of your forced removal of their excellent father from their lives.”
The plaintiff’s attorney is dumbfounded. Tears start to well up in her eyes.
Timmy: “Counselor. You are my best defense. Tell the jury how you earning more than your husband has ruined your marriage and your children."
She says: “ ‘Your witness’ to Timmy’s attorney.”
Timmy’s attorney: “The defense rests.”
The jury deliberated less than six hours and came back with a guilty verdict.
The average award was $6,000,000 each with lost wages and punitive damages.
Timmy’s insurance paid out all of it.
All 5 plaintiff’s were divorced within 3 years.
